Sha-na-na Shaniqua Danyay Halloway Goes off! (Reposted for Whoopi!)

I got an email I couldn't resist answering in the voice of my ghetto fabulous evil twin, Sha-nay-nay Shaniqua Danyay Halloway.


Dear sir/madam

I am Mr Mike Mcmullen I need your services in a confidential matter regarding money transfer.

This requires a private arrangement though the details of the transaction will be furnish to you if you indicate your interest in this proposal.

We have all the legal documents to back up the transaction, besides we have worked out the modalities to ensure smooth and risky free transfer.

I am willing to offer you 40% of the money, the fund in question is quite large. All correspondences will be via email and telephone for now.

I am expecting to hear from you, if you are willing to do the business with us,your private phone number is needed.
Please let me hear from you immediately only in my private emailbox:mike.mcmullen1@hotmail.com
Waiting to hear from you.

Thanks,
Yours Faithfully,
Mr Mike Mcmullen


Look, Bitch!

Don't know who the hell you think you foolin telling me yo name Mcmullen. I ain't even got my GED yet and I knows it's McMullen. I had a Irish priest help me when I was pregnant and the baby daddy try to get me to have a abortion. Father Mac tell me killin babys a sin and I has to do Gods will and have my baby. So I has nine of them little basterds now listening to Father Mac, all with different daddies and ain't none of them muthafuckas worth a dam.

You talking bout needing my services sound like you wants me to give yo ass a blow job or something. What's confidential bout that? How you think I take care of nine kids with no child support and a welfare check? I get enough on the food stamp card to feed 'em but I still gotta pay rent and usetilities.

So let's gone and make this transaction cause I sho as hell accepts yo proposal! Hell yeah! And you ain't gotta worry bout no tricky transfers cause I's clean. I did have the clap last year, but that done cleared up now, but you can't go down on me cause I have them genital warts and spit make 'em sting. You better wear a condom to for that private arrangement you talking about because my privates full of crabs right now cause that last muthafucka that made that arrangement wouldn't wear a condom. Started itching soon as his ass got up!

But let's get one thing scrait. I don't care what kinda legal documents you got, I ain't backing up cause I still got hemorrhoids from the last time I let some sonofabitch pay me extra to ram his - wait a minute - some skank looking over my shoulder trying to read what I'm typing. What was I saying? Naw, ain't gone be nona that shit! No, especially since you say your fund is quite large. Think I's stupid just cause I dropped out in the ninth grade? I had to! I was bout to have another dam baby and i couldnt go to school with two of 'em to feed. I know you done smoothed out all yo modalities and I bet you got some big ones, but you ain't plugging my butt. Oh, no!

You say you pay me 40 of the money you got, so it sound like you ain't got but about fifty dollars. Guess that mean we be doing it in the alley less you gotta a car cause don't sound like you aint got enough for no motel room.

I can't give you no phone number right now cause they done turn off my phone cause my 14 year old son been calling his little girlfriend running up my bill. I only got 200 minutes a month on my plan and he done run my bill up to 500 dam dollars calling that little fast ass ho all the time. I think he done got her pregnant! One of the twins flushed my pre-paid cell down the toilet, so I gotta go to the library to use the pay phone. That where I is now checking my email.

But you can call me at 1-900-CRACKHO, its only 25 cents a minute. I ain't no crack ho tho. I's just a regular ol' ho. I'm usually the only one there cause soon as them dam crack hos make enough money to buy a rock, theys gone. That why the owner keep the price so low so it take 'em a while.

But if one of them bitches answer, just tell 'em to put FaBooLust on the phone. I be talking some shit on that 900 line! I'll make you harder than it is to believe this bullshit you trying to tell me!

Don't email me no mo, you fake ass bitch!